here.

Hi.

I’ve been a stranger.  Like. TOTALLY a stranger.  Like. WOAH WHERE DID YOU GO stranger.  And it’s not that I didn’t want to visit.  In fact, I would have been here more often if I could get Siri to write my posts for me while I am driving.  Because I write LOTS in my head then.  Like at LEAST a post a day.  And then somehow, I start to work or hit the gym or text or SOMETHING and then I forget.  But please note.  I totally feel guilty.

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So. I applied for graduation and as of today – this moment – I have 234 days until I am finished. (I have a countdown on my phone that have to talk myself out of checking because I obsessively want to look at it every day. And I totally can’t help myself and I look again.) Two classes this summer, and two classes this fall. Pray. This semester I have taken three classes – Chemistry, Macroeconomics and Business Communications. And it utterly kicked my ass – not all the time, but definitely in waves. And I think that I have learned a little more grace for myself and for other people. In college (like real college when i didn’t have two jobs, a social life, a mortgage, rent, car, insurance…you get the picture!), I never understood how people could forget something so simple as HOMEWORK. I mean, just WRITE IT DOWN for crying out loud. And then now – twice I have gone to two different professors and explained that I forgot homework. Just forgot. Not that I didn’t want to do it. Not that I couldn’t have found time (something that I have this crazy talent for). Just plain ole’ brain-fart forgot. Neither one of them would allow me to turn it in late. But hey, oh well.
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So I find myself planning EVERY second of every day Monday through Friday. To the nano second. When I get home at 8 or 9p, I usually have an hour’s worth of stuff to do (laundry, dishes, prepare food, get my bag together for the next day, try to remember how MANY pairs of shoes, panties, and workout outfits I will need for the next day). And it becomes my power hour. I cannot sit down, I cannot stop moving until everything including washing my face and brushing my teeth is done. If I do, I cannot get back up. But with this regimented schedule during the week, I find my weekends EXTRA carefree. I have always been a fairly free spirit when it comes to playing. If I have the gas in my car, I will go do it. And for the past 3 months, my weekends have been super fun. Boo moved to Atlanta in March, I’ve been to Denver, the beach, dinner, railroad park, Regions stadium, bars I haven’t been to in years, random nights where I stay out later than I am used to, on blind dates and have just been happy. My poor roomates have remarked that I have the strangest schedule. Truth.

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Speaking of roommates, I moved into a house in February with some really awesome girls. Super sweet, super easy, and they handle my weirdness well. Nothing like roommates to make you realize how not normal you are. Or is that just me? I love having the company – and the ease of good roommates. I can only hope they say the same thing about me! I try…

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I’ve made some new friends lately. They are my age, single, and love to sweat it up. And I am starting to feel like me again. It only took me 6 years to get back to this point. But I know the journey from 24 to 31 has made me into SUCH a better version of myself. Kinder. Softer. Hopefully a little more knowledgeable and definitely more forgiving.

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March 6th was the 2 year anniversary of my divorce – and I can truly attest that divorce has a half life. It was some time in the last few months that I just felt, well, NORMAL. Not damaged, not angry, not blaming others, just normal. Praise God from whom all blessing flows, because without His Mercies, I would be in a ditch. I went to a Capitavating conference in Denver in March and it reminded me (as I need reminding EVERY DAY) that only God can put my broken heart back together. There are STILL times – few. FAR BETWEEN. But times that I get overwhelmed with the feeling of how damaged I am which leads me down the path of no one will ever love me into I’ll be single for the rest of my life and right back to how irreparable damaged I am. And don’t get me wrong. This heart has been shattered by SEVERAL men in my life and it is ugly and black and lifeless on its own. But God promises to repair it. to make it whole. And He assures me that I am beautiful. That He DOES see me, that HE is and will be everything to me that I’ve seen fail in the past.

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I also turned 31 in March. Don’t worry, I still continue to tell people that I am 30. I think that is a mix of not feeling 31 and how crazy packed life has been. My sweet loves took me to the beach for what was the best Birthday in a long while. It was FREEZING cold. But we drank wine, played Maajong, shopped (of course I was the ONLY ONE who bought anything), slept, watched Downton Abby, jammed to good tunes, cooked, and laughed. It was SO good for my heart. And there was this ONE cheese plate – I can’t stop thinking about it! Best meats, best olive oil, best cheese, best nuts…I mean. To. Die. For. And we drank more red wine than most people drink in a year. Not really. Well, yes really. Whatever. It was good.

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I’m trying not obsess about next steps. Here I am about to get my degree. Finally. Something that has kind of held me back. But not really. But kind of. And all my jobs in the past have been to push the ceiling on how far I could go without a degree. Like, DUH I don’t need one. But now? What do I want to do? I’ve utterly downgraded my life. And I wish I could downgrade it even more! So I don’t NEED to make money like I used to (staying in a job just to pay bills for stuff I don’t want. What I want is out of that cycle!!) You know that question? What would you do if money was no object? Yeah, I don’t know the answer yet. It’s mulling in my brain. And it looks REALLY different than what I thought it would be. I had planned on going to nursing school. Full. Speed. Ahead. Not that I won’t do that – I am not scared of it – that I won’t be able to finish or I am not smart enough. But as I pray desperately for God to help me see my path, what I DO hear is “wait”. Like, just get through this ONE step. Get to December. Get through 234 days. Just that. So. That’s what I am doing. Pray for that? Pray that I can figure out next steps. Or that I would be able to wait. How ever you want to pray for me – I will take it!

So here I am, friends. Back.

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its MONDAY YALL

Praise the baby Jesus.

Thank the good Lord.

And all that.  I made it through another full week to MONDAY.

To be honest, these last 6 weeks have solidly kicked my ass.  Physically, mentally, emotionally, and for sure spiritually!  So to recap, I am in school full time (Macroeconomics, Business Communications, and Chemistry/Chemistry lab).  I work full time, teach 6-8 classes a week at Gold’s Gym and find time to kill it at Iron Tribe Fitness.  So.  There is a lot on my plate and I for sure have to practice to keep everything in perfect balance.  And it really is, as long as I stick to “the schedule” .  But the thing is.  I don’t like that.  I truly love being foot-loose and fancy free.  My old boss didn’t care if I took 2 hour lunches on Fridays, and I always appreciated that!  But now, I don’t get that luxury because Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday, I have class on my lunch hour.  And Thursdays  I teach three fitness classes because that is what I want to do.

But readers, I really want you to know.  This is not a complaint.  I love my life.  I am doing EXACTLY what I want to do truly!  I want to be in school.  I want to teach fitness, and I want to have time to myself to workout on my own.  There are people who DON’T think I can do it all.  I have had a couple of people in the last week tell me that I am doing too much.  That I can’t possible be happy being this busy and something has to give.  And to those people, I say – Look.  I am doing what I want to. And when I am tired, I need you to say, you CAN do this instead of encouraging me to stop.  I feel that this year is going to be very rewarding because I AM putting in my time.  Being single allows me so much more to take advantage of without having to check in with anyone or schedule around two people.  Don’t get me wrong – I get lonely LOTS not having a partner in crime and most times at night for the 5 seconds before I fall asleep, but I have these really fabulous friends who share everything with me so those times of being lonely and left out are few and far between.

SO to update what has happened in the past month!

1) Sold my car (the excellent Volvo) and in the asking price, actually traded out for another car.  So.  I netted a few dollars, got out of a car payment AND got a cute car!  When I had originally tried to sell my car, I was sharing with someone that I wanted this EXACT transaction to happen.  Of course I was laughed at (its normal! People forget how determined I am) and it took about 6 months but I now own a Infiniti QX4 with 155,000 miles on it, one owner (who happened to be an attorney-father of someone I went to high school with). And – freed up some income.  Damn those car payments.  I am not sure that I will have one again!

2) I am moving (on Friday!).  Again.  Back to my side of town 😉  Its actually about 2 miles from where I own a house.  But I am not responsible for land-lording stuff/house ownership stuff which frees me up to maximize my time for other things.  Plus my new roomies are REALLY cute – my age, one has a fashion degree, the other a marketing degree (so our brains work!).  One does CrossFit and understands that side, the other is in Marketing so I feel connected that way!  Plus, I just had a great feeling about the two.  And I have a front porch!

3)  I have had three tests in three different classes.  It’s a good benchmark for me.  I am not sure I am going to get the 4.0 I was thinking of – instead my goal is becoming more about the actual degree and graduating.  Like just physically graduating.  This will for sure be a year of learning!

4) I am finding myself more beautiful.  I know that sounds SO conceited   I get it.  But I am actively trying to be more positive about myself.

5)  I have been eating Paleo for over a year now.  Best.  Change. Ever.  But I must tell you.  This is not a damn diet.  I’m not cutting calories, I am certainly NOT counting calories, I don’t write down what I eat and I don’t eat all day long.  I have a longer post coming up soon about this.  But I don’t think you can call something a “diet” if its just a way of eating.  I don’t eat dairy unless I am at a restaurant and feel like ordering it.  I don’t eat grains, legumes and stay far away from the sugar demon.  And it has taken a FULL YEAR but I don’t crave sugar like I used to.  For instance, yesterday I had a piece of cake – it was from Gia’s and had some buttercreme- caramel icing on it.  Small sliver, ate some of the cake and most of the icing and then that was enough.  I swear that my body is running so well right now that I can hear when it is full and has had enough SO clearly.

 

So.  that is it.  That is what is going ON right now!  tumblr_mia5rots4B1r8fmpxo1_500 2013-01-22 11.30.28 2013-02-09 21.00.45 2013-02-12 09.20.41 2013-02-13 21.32.10 2013-02-13 22.34.44 2013-02-15 22.18.12 2013-02-17 07.07.16 2013-02-17 08.04.06