broken…

C.S. Lewis said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”  And oh how He shouts.

About three months ago, I realized that I have come back full circle to the person I was 5 years ago. Most people would call that a set-back, but after four hard years of marriage, divorce, deaths, broken friendships, broken family, untrue gossip, and black-holeness, I would say I am just aiming for better.  But what I do know is that God has put these INCREDIBLE people in my life to get me to this point!

I was having beers with some friends on Friday night and this entire point came up.  Now, don’t think for one second that I thought I was healthy last year.  I was managing.  Allowing myself to be numb, not feel, and just be.  And for a tornado like myself, that is a TERRIBLE thing.  But cope I did and just allowed things to happen.  But I don’t think that I can ever realize how much my friends and sister got me through last year.  So sitting outside at Avondale Brewery, my friend James tells me about how beautiful I am, how funny I am, and how pretty my hair is and how skinny I am (you get the point).

 

And then he goes in for the kill:

“You know, we didn’t think you were going to make it through the year last year.”

 

Boom.  Really?  Like, people NOTICED? And then he says the most profound thing, that only my sister has said to me before.  “You were so broken we weren’t sure that the pieces could be put back together.”  Wow.  So very broken.  And I just sat there.  You see, my mind started to flow back to last year…and most of the time I don’t think about it.  But there was those random times that Matt and James came and picked me up and took me to the Farmer’s Market.  And that one time my girls took me with crutches to an outside wedding.  And that one time that my sister spent the night with me to make sure all my medicines were taken.  And that one time that people brought me food for WEEKS on end.  And that one time that a friend picked me up so I could spend the night with her and her family.  And that one time that these girls from the gym sent me their love DAILY. and prayed DAILY for me.  And as broken as I was, not one person left my side.  And “they” say God doesn’t “do” miracles in this day in age.  But honey, I beg to differ.  Without the unending love and grace of true friendships God put in my life, I would not have made it out the other side.

So I just want to say THANK YOU for my teamsters of too many people to name.  Thank you for the prayers, the hand holding, the texts, the SMALL things that just got me through the next day to the next week past the next 30 minutes into a place where I don’t have to count down the seconds any more!

John 12: 24, 25  Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.  Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

What a beautiful reassurance.

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2 thoughts on “broken…

  1. Ruth, this is so beautiful & genuine. Being transparent helps so many people understand how God’s grace is the only way we can make it. Thanks for this post, made my day.

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