- Hard post.
- Hard week.
- Hard month.
- Harder-than-hell year.
- Harder than I could even imagine 5 years…
Majors in minors, Minors in the majors right?
This weekend, my car was broken into. I’ve been so embarrassed about it bc I foolishly had my Blackberry tablet in sight. It was parked at Lakeview at On Tap. After watching Auburn’s embarrassment by Clemson (War Eagle. Still.) I sauntered over to Rag’s to enjoy a few cocktails. Met a few new friends as I always do, met a few more, and pretty soon there is a table of like 9 people who don’t really know each other. But there was beer, laughter, stories, and the comfort of meeting people who know nothing about you but clearly enjoying their time. That’s my favorite part about new friendships and new people. Well not my favorite – I LIKE the nitty-gritty and the flaws and the off-kilter. But there is something just so uniquely perfect of an end-of-summer day and new friends. The day progressed into evening which progressed into another bar, all the while nothing wild, just meeting more and more people out and about. I get back to my car….and there is glass everywhere. Mind you, my car was in plain-sight and the video camera (as the detective confirmed yesterday!) Caught everything on tape. But the VIOLATION! It took two cinder blocks to get thru the windows, which destroyed the steering wheel and effed up ALL the wood grain in the car. They ripped out the center console (ummm why? Hey Best Buy, I just bought this for my mom but I can’t find the receipt. Umm no.). The thieves, who clearly don’t know who I am and what kind of year I have had, took my Blackberry Table, and New Blackberry Bold 9780, a silver 80 GB ipod, my 160 GB Hard Drive and (yes, I’m serious) all my makeup. All of it is replaceable. All of it is just things, and I get that. But what I don’t get is the make-up and the hard drive. The HD had every picture I’ve had since 2003 (ish)? From my days at Auburn, to being a Tri-Gam, to weddings, babies, birthdays, and finally it was the only picture copies I had of my own wedding.
Yes I know I don’t need to look at them, and I wouldn’t. Not for a long time. But sometimes you just want to look back at something and remember what it felt like- how in love you were, what promise there was, how HAPPY everyone was, how pretty my Mimi was, what a huge sacrifice everyone made, from the flowers to the food because they love my family. And just to have hope that I will find that again, and with a man who loves me.
so that’s the minors.
My best friend Haley lost her sister last week. 30 years old and just suddenly died from blood clots. Erin hadn’t been feeling well but the doctors dismissed it to something minor (by no fault on them) but when her boyfriend came home Monday night, Erin’s lips were Blue and she had already called the paramedics. 2 full days of Erin hanging on to life, and then God took her home to be happy and healthy with Him. But I cannot stop crying about, in the strangest places. I cry for Haley all the time. She texted me and said, Ruthie, she’s half my heart, what do I do now.
And I don’t know.
I’m not into “Gods not fair” “Life’s not Fair” gibberish, because its not the way the world works. Somewhere along the lines, humans decided we were entitled to certain ways of life. But that’s not it. God is just, he is full of loving mercy, and he KNEW that Erin would need to come home on Thursday September 16, 2011. He KNOWS the outcome just as much as he knew the beginning and he knows how MUCH Haley is dying, falling, freaking out inside. And as much as we “need” to rely on ourselves, we have to rely on savior who died for us so that we could have life, abundantly. Oh Haley, my sweet love, I cannot feel the same pain as you. But I can be there every step with you. I can do that… I am 110% positive that I will say the wrong things over and over. But you are a forgiving woman, always have been. One of your best characteristics. I can help you with God and how to rise above these stupid ashes and the horrible event of losing half your heart. I get it!
I texted Blondie on Friday with what would happen if I were to die. She was not pleased, but it could happen! And if it did, I can assuredly say I am NOT living the life God made me for, and I’m not sure even what people would have to celebrate me for…..So I wonder what I need to do next.
I cannot begin to tell you about my sweet friends who need prayer…
- the sick one
- the lost one
- the sad one
- the i-dont-need-anyone
- the self-deprecator
- the martyr
the life changer…
I grieve a lot in private for these people that I cannot fix. And if I could have taken Erin’s pain and let me have it, I really would have. So I grieve and gnash my teeth, and drink wine.
“This is the day that the LORD has made. I will be glad and rejoice in it.”
Its not because its true, its because we will make it true, God has made us ANOTHER day – one more than yesterday!